Grief
by ShakeNBake509
Summary: Lilith is having trouble dealing with roland being gone, but she can’t let anyone see it gets to her. Shes picked up a small addiction to eridium and a strong habit of hunting down any evil piece of shit she can find to take her anger out on.
1. 1) Eridium

Authors note:

This is my first story, I'm not even sure how to grammatically write the speech of characters, there's a lot I don't know, but any feedback or criticism is more than welcome, and I will use it all to become a better writer.

Chapter 1) Eridium

"Heh, no rest for the wicked..."

Lilith says to herself under her breath as she chuckles, walking through the ground floor of sanctuary headquarters, remembering the mess Krieg and Axton created when they tortured the Hyperion goon during Tina's game of bunkers and badasses. She remembered hearing screams from downstairs during the game, mordecia seemed to care, or at least notice. The others (including herself) remained unbothered by the misery of someone that corrupt. Mercy was lacking on Pandora, and as unlikely a source he was, a somewhat small amount trickled from mordecia. Lilith figured after all the hell from pandora, the constant war that always had a new enemy, him loosing his best-friend bloodwing, that he would be dead inside. And not to mention the worst of all, loosing Roland to that psychopath jack. But that didn't hurt him the way it hurt her. It didn't hurt anyone the way it hurt her. Nonetheless, she was amazed any mercy survived the cruel, dry winds of the frigid desert planet, she was always surprised when she found a truly good person. That's what she loved so deeply about Roland. His compassion. A trait almost unheard of on a world like pandora. How did he do it? She used to feel some level of compassion, but not lately. Sometimes she felt like she was good, then she remembered all the things she'd done to prove otherwise. She used to feel bad for betraying jack, but that was before he showed his true colors. She still felt bad for attempting to execute Athena though. They seems to have made up but Lilith wouldn't be surprised if Athena has trust issues with her, which is why they still haven't gone on any missions together. She wondered what Roland would have thought of her. What she almost did to Athena. Who she is now. Brick of all people even told her not to. BRICK! A BANDIT LEADER told her what she was doing was wrong. Would Roland still even want her leading the crimson raiders?

"Shut up Lilith, now's not the time for this"

she told herself, attempting to get her mind off of the topic. Roland... The man she loved, the one who not only saw her good side, but brought it out in her. And that bastard handsome jack just slaughtered him where he stood. Shot him in the back, it wasn't even a fair or honorable fight. It was a snake move. But Roland... he deserved better. He deserved better than any of the others, herself included. God, look at her, what was she doing? Reminiscing like some high school sweetheart, pathetic. It's pandora, you loose people you care about every other week.

"Fuck it, I need some eridium"

Lilith told herself. She had gotten a little bit crazy with her usage lately, so Tannis was more secretive about when she got some in and where she kept it, but Lilith was smarter than that. She knew her hiding place for the unrefined eridium. She moved one of the washers to get to Tannis's secret wall safe behind it, she tried the usual combination, she felt the dial scratch against the safe, and heard the tick with every number she passed, which was getting fainter every day it seemed.

"Damn it."

She mumbled under her breath, and she tried opening it again. Same combination, 23-12-2. Nothing. Tannis must've realized Lilith was sneaking off some eridium and changed the password. Lilith was pissed for a second, but then remembered who she was.

"I'm the most powerful siren in the universe. For her to think she can keep something from me that I want is idiotic. She really is full of herself.."

Lilith said, not realizing the irony of her sentence. She put her hand against the cold metal and phased the eridium out of the safe, similar to how she moved sanctuary, just far, far easier. And hey, this time she phased the eridium mostly to where she wanted to, the desk sitting right in front of her. A few chunks rolled off the desk or just dropped straight down to the floor with a loud crack noise, but her accuracy was getting better, almost perfect now. She held two small chunks, one in each hand and absorbed them, her whole body trembled, it had been a while. She missed this, very, very much. It was like an itch that she finally got to scratch, and then she absorbed another chunk. her siren "tattoos" glowing brightly as a result. The rest she phased back into the safe, and just hoped Tannis wasn't keeping count of how much was in there. Now, it was time to do the only thing that distracted her from the void inside, from everything, from Roland. Destroy. She had heard of a Hyperion assassin surviving the crash of Helios codenamed "saber", and she had heard that he was now the leader of a bandit clan. She had her target, and when she set her eyes on a target, well, only god could save them. And Lilith was convinced god had forgotten about pandora. On her way to scooters old catch a ride machine, gaige saw her -dear god, please let her just ignore me- Lilith thought to herself. Then she heard

"well heya Lilith"

and saw the young vault hunter happily bounding over to her, with the usual perk Gaige always had in her step.

"Hey killer"

Lilith said, using her favorite nickname for the new vault hunters.

"Where ya off to?"

Gaige asked.

"Just a small mission to saber's camp. He's some Hyperion goon that survived the crash of Helios"

Lilith said, knowing good and well she was lying, this was no small mission at all, the plains of guar housed a massive bandit camp, stretched out between the plains and the lorasidious mountains, even going inside of one of the mountains.

"Oooo, can I come? No ones been on a mission with you for a while now lilly..."

she suddenly had a flashback to her grandmothers dinner table, and her grandmother said

"Lilly, go put up your plate"

when her cousin kept poking at her siren marks. Lilith turned to him to maybe hit him or scream, but instead she turned and he looked... different. Colors were different, some colors were absent. She could still make out his shape and what he was doing, he fell over and onto the ground as his mouth opened wide. His scream looked more like a yawn, but she knew he was screaming. Even though the sound was faint and distorted. Her grandmother looked around the room frantically, and Lilith tried running to her grandmother for support, but ran straight through her. Then, she sat down behind her and began to cry. All of the sudden, she was back in her own world, and her grandmother flew back a good 10 feet, being thrown into the wall. Lilith screamed and ran to her grandmother, who just laid there, unresponsive to her screams and cries for her to get up. Her cousin was just frozen. Lilith went to hug and comfort him but she stopped herself, what if she hurt him too? So instead she did the only thing she could think to do. She ran. Then the memory ended and she was back in sanctuary.

"No. You can't come along"

Lilith snapped back coldly.

"And don't ever call me lily again"

she said without much emotion.

"Dang okay "firehawk", just don't get killed out there, please?"

Gaige commented back. Lilith chuckled, transported herself down to the ground, digi-structed a car, and drove off for her next target.


	2. 2) The Camp

Chpt. 2) the camp

It was nearly dusk when Lilith arrived at the plaines of guar, she drove on the border between there, and the loracidous (Lo-ra-si-dus) mountains. Sabre's camp started in the plains, and went into the first mountain of the loracidous region. She easily could've phased to the ending and slaughtered everyone, but where's the fun in that? No, she wanted pain and chaos. And she was going to have what she wanted. She drove her runner up to the gate, and right before she crashed into it, as shots began firing, she phased her runner 50 ft in the air, and landed on the other side of the gate. She hopped out and started phasewalking, the bandits frantically glanced around in confusion.

"There's no runnin!"

She heard a nomad say, the marauders were more focused on talking trash than actually finding her. There was one badass physcho with a group of two nomads and a badass marauder. Lilith walked in the center of the group and phased herself back in this dimension, vaporizing those bandits in that tight group. The rest saw and started firing, Lilith noticed a slag barrel about 40 feet to her left,

"this is where the fun begins"

she laughed and told herself. She phased it above the head of a bandit, and it fell and he was crushed under it's weight. As his friend came to free him, Lilith shot the barrel and the explosion threw his friend backwards off of the balcony they were standing on, he fell to his death screaming. Gunfire seemed to be coming from all directions, so Lilith looked at one bandit, phased him partially inside of a wall. It looked excruciatingly painful, and a smile crept onto her face. She took out her favorite smg, an old atlas gun she had found, called the silencer. She began spraying electrically charged death upon the balconies of bandits, rolling from one cover point to the next to avoid gunfire and grenades, while her shield caught a few bullets. One bandit threw a corrosive murv Grenade, Lilith caught it mid air and phased it in the middle of a huge crowd of bandits, and she phased one of the murv grenades into a bandits stomach, he screamed and his middle torso exploded, his legs and upper body fell to the ground in two separate pieces. After she had cleared gate patrol, she walked back over to her racer and drove through the dirt road that covered the length of most of the camp, and as she came to where it transitioned into a mountain, she stopped. Bandits surrounded her and her only option was backwards, so she crawled underneath scooters runner, and when bandits stood all around it, she phasewalked, and it sent the vehicle several dozen feet in the air, she dove out from her spot, and it came crashing back down not exploding, but flattening most bandits surrounding it. She ran to cover and phased back into this dimension. She threw an electric longbow impulse grenade, it hit the wall behind 3 bandits and pulled them closer. She sprayed ammo upon the three, and one was electrocuted so badly she saw his skull.

"Bonehead"

she chuckled to herself quietly, reminding her of her first "boss fight". She began climbing the mountian, staying out of the main path. She could have easily killed all of the bandits without much effort, but she was getting tired of such a menial and easy task, she wanted the challenge of killing saber. And the satisfaction.

"Damn, I sound like Zero now"

she said as she shook her head. She stuck by the wall and most bandits ran backwards to the bottom of the mountain looking for her.

"Idiots"

She mumbled to herself as she snuck along the side of the wall. Then, she heard the buzzards overhead, for fun, she decided to phase one far away to the left of the bandit camp, just to screw with the pilot. She phased the buzzard, but forgot to move the pilot, he fell straight downwards, screaming all the distance, until he hit the ground, which answered with a loud cracking noise. Not what she had attempted, but nonetheless, good. Then, she spotted a shed behind a house, or, whatever bandits called homes. Lilith excitement peaked, as she rushed over to open it and reveal its contents. It would most likely be nothing special, but on Pandora, you never knew. The chest popped open with a satisfying click, the 3 red platforms for the instruments of death slowly rose into place. She found a rare Maliwan sniper, and a common vladalf one. The two side platforms held sniper rounds and grenades. They reminded her of mordecia, and the original groups adventures together. Lilith pushed the thought to the back of her mind, and carried on towards the mouth of the cave that the bandits had carved into the mountian.


	3. 3) The Kid

Chpt 3) The Kid

Lilith phasewalked into the entrance past the two guards, and when she was behind them she reappeared, sending one flying forwards and shattering part of his armor, his shield is the only thing that saved his life. The other one wasn't as lucky, he had no armor or shield, and was vaporized instantly. She walked up to the bandit who's armor and shield she shattered.

"Where is saber?"

Lilith asked him in an interrogating voice.

"Why the hell would I tell you?"

The marauder said. Lilith put her hand on his left knee and rushed her power through her arm and to her hand, similar to when she grabbed jacks throat and disintegrated his entire upper body with siren energy. Her hand radiated power, and burned through the piece of his armor that wasn't broken, and turned it into liquid, fusing it to his skin. He screamed and begged for her to stop.

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT"

he screamed when he could finally muster words

"Good. Now how do I find him? I don't have the time to go through mountain mazes".

Lilith said with a solidity and strength in her voice that was present, but overpowered by rage. It sent chills down the bandits spine. Or, what was left of his spine, lilith's phasewalk had really done its damage.

"Walk into the mountian, keep along the main path until you see a machine gun turret, if you walk directly behind the turret, there's a trap door"

He said, in a desperate attempt to stop his pain and maybe even save his life

"Thanks"

Lilith said, and put her hand on his chest, ready to burn a hole through the middle of his body. Her arm began to glow and he screamed for mercy. Then, she noticed how young he was. He couldn't have been older than 16. She thought of Roland. What would he do? He would grab her arm, and slowly lower it to her side. Run his hand up it, and give her that sweet look she loved so much. He would tell her that wasn't okay. That would make them as bad as the bandits. If she had to kill him to save her life or someone else's, she had to do it quick and with mercy, this? This was too slow, too painful, and he was too young. She suddenly pulled her arm back, and sat down beside the bandit. Who was propped up against a wall by this point.

"Your lucky my boyfriends dead."

She said to the bandit with a laugh, he looked more confused than anything. He looked more confused than he looked grateful that she spared his life.

"W-what?"

He managed to stammer out through his pain.

"Nothing"

she said, as she hit him on the head with the butt of her gun and knocked him unconscious. She stuck his lower torso with her last health syringe, it should accelerate his healing somewhat, there would still be a nasty scar, and it definitely wouldn't heal him even close to fully, but it might be enough to help him survive. she marched along the path he told her to follow.

She holstered her smg and pulled out a revolver she owned, she saw a bandit watcher spot her and almost ring the alarm. She took aim and fired, shooting for his head but hitting his chest. Either way, he wouldn't be ringing any alarm. She took a left along with the path, and to her right in the distance, past a few houses, she noticed a machine gun turret.

"About damn time"

she said to herself, as she entered phasewalk and ran over to the base of the building with the turret. She materialized at the entrance, and took the ladder to the top. She snuck behind the gunner on the turret, standing above him since he was sitting, lilith took out her secondary gun, a non elemental Jakob's revolver, and it really packed a punch. She placed it on his collar bone, and fired the shell downward into his body. He screamed in agony, and fell out of the chair, crumbling into a sobbing heap of human on the floor, Without looking, she pointed the revolver at his head and pulled the trigger. Lilith walked behind the turret, but saw no trapdoor. Then she noticed a lever on the gunner turret that she'd never seen before. She sat in the chair and pulled it, and she fell.

She then began to phasewalk, so the fall would hurt her less, but she landed in water. She swam to the nearby ground, which was incredibly dark since they got no sun in that cave, and it was wet due to the atmosphere of the cave. Which had air so moist you felt it in layers when you moved around. Lilith re materialized, then noticed a reddish orange glow coming from deeper into the cave, she followed it and ended up walking onto a metal platform suspended with chains over a large lava pit, saber was waiting for her. He was a medium build man, and brandished a sword similar to zeroes, except his whole sword was real, not just the handle. With zero's, the handle was real, but the blade digistructed every time you drew it. Sabers was black and red. His mask was the same color, with glowing red eyes and a slit where his mouth belonged, it wasn't a slit as much as a metal line that was bent halfway through the line, sort of like a boomerang, but less of an extreme bend. She noticed a large pile of unrefined eridium chunks behind him, sitting in a minecart. Now she knew why they were camped partly in a mountian. It was an eridium mine.

"Really? A lava lair? Could you not think of anything more original than a lava layer?"

Lilith said as she laughed

"I mean, I get it's supposed to be intimidating and all, but it's just sooo cliche"

She said, rolling her eyes

"It's not for intimidating you"

Saber said

"It's for dumping your body straight off the edge without worrying too much about clean up hassle."

He said, his voice was filtered by his mask, it was scratchy, electronic, and confident.

"Now that was a nice line"

Lilith said with a smile, and rushed towards him.


	4. 4) Duel

Chpt 4.) Duel

Right before she got to him, she tried phasewalking, and she created a blast that should've sent him flying, but right as she did it he struck the ground with his sword and a shield formed around him

"I know all your tricks Lilith"

He said, taunting her while laughing in a voice she assumed was supposed to scare her.

"You forgot you came to kill a Hyperion assassin, we know what you can do, scum"

He said, and when she materialized back into this dimension he moved his sword and his shield orb lowered. She tried phasing him but for some reason it just wouldn't work on him. Anytime she tried, his shield would glow a bright blue color, that must've been what was stopping her, some weird Hyperion tech.

"That's fine by me"

Said Lilith

"I'll still kick your ass"

she said, and he swung his sword on level with her neck. She ducked, and slid past him. She pulled out her trusty silencer to wear down his shield and began firing. He dodged almost every bullet, but a few hit. Lilith knew this wouldn't take care of his shield quick enough. Lilith energized both of her hands, and when he swung his sword this time, she dodged it and punched his side, sending him flying to the right and nearly off of the edge. He looked at her, and threw his sword. It somehow managed to completely ignore her shield and stick her in her left leg. She screamed in agony as she pulled the blade out and held it at ready stance. rage dominating her body now, even more than pain. She limped while she ran to him with it, ready to strike, and right before it hit him, it disappeared, and reconstructed itself in his hand. He turned and sliced part of her back open. Lilith was pouring blood by now, and her anger was nearly uncontrollable, her eyes glowing orange on their own, without her effort. She pulled out her revolver, and with a well placed shot, hit his mask, and penetrated his shield. A piece of his mask shattered and flew to the side. One of his eyes was exposed now, blue, with an unnerving calmness, stared at Lilith. She took out the silencer and hit a few shots, she was sure his shield was nearly gone now, he threw his sword at her, and she leaned to the side to dodge it, while she was distracted doing that, he ran to her, and his sword re materialized in his hand, and he cut her shoulder pretty deep.

"ENOUGH!"

Lilith screamed, and she grew great wings of archaic flame energy, and began floating off of the platform. She phased four of the eridium chunks to her, and absorbed all of them. Her eyes glowing orange with power, he tried swinging on her but she vaporized the sword before it could touch her. Her eyes pierced through his mask, burning with rage. She picked him up by his throat, and burned through his neck like butter, she couldn't feel his neck snap because she had liquified it. his lifeless body dropped to the floor, while the little piece of his head that remained stayed balanced on Lilith blood soaked hand. She shook her hand to get rid of the pieces of Brian and shattered fragments of skull, and ignited her hand in brilliant fire to incinerate the blood off of it. All of the bandits who were watching on the surrounding balconies just froze. She turned to them.

"Alright bitches, who's next?"

She said with glowing eyes that seemed to have such a deadly stare that they could have been weapons on their own. She raised her hands and all the rafters and supports for the balconies were phased over the lava, and they fell down to the inferno pit. The platforms the bandits were standing on then began to fall, and everything was swallowed up by the eternal flame below. Lilith put about 20 eridium chunks in her inventory, and then crawled out of the cave. her leg hurt, back pouring blood, she walked. The eridium helped a lot. She sat down beside the bandit from earlier that she knocked out. If she didn't use her leg, she could tell with all the eridium in her system it would heal pretty quickly. She sat there with the unconscious bandit, and teleported the bandit outside of the camp walls, she didn't know why she was so merciful to him specifically, but she was. She sat there, observing pandora in this sliver of peace during this huge battle. She saw clouds, she looked at Elpis, and was grateful Helios was gone. She felt oddly at peace, despite the blood running out of her leg and back. She saw rakk flying above, and remembered how bloodwing would hunt rakk for fun when they were all 4 camped up. She remembered he was doing that during her and rolands first kiss. She was suddenly filled with rage, pure, seething hatred, for any and everything. She got up, almost forgetting about her leg, she phasewalked to her runner, and phased it (with her inside) out of the camps walls. She got out, and her great wings of flame emerged once again. She raised her hands as her marks radiated orange, and the top section of a nearby mountain was broken off and phased over the bandit camp. The massive piece of rock fell on the camp, crushing nearly every building in it, and splitting into several pieces. The thunderous crack it made was glorious, and for the moment, Lilith's void was finally satisfied, for the next few seconds at least.

"Now that's, what I call fun"

Lilith said with a smile creeping upon her face, even through the extreme exhaustion she felt. Her mouth felt like it weighed several dozen pounds, her smile became to heavy to hold up, and her eyesight was getting blurry. Her arms fell to her side, she leaned on her runner, and passed out.


	5. 5) Athena?

Chapter 5) Athena?

Lilith awoke, in the passenger seat of her runner, with Athena driving it.

"Wh-what's going on?"

Lilith asked, still daisy and tired.

"My dumbass rescued your dumbass"

Athena said in response, eyes still looking straightforward at the wasteland ahead of them

"How did you know where I was?"

"Well, I saw you in the command center with Tannis's safe, and the eridium. You didn't notice me sitting in her corner somehow, and then I followed you from a distance. You looked like you were about to do something stupid. So I followed, and you did.

"How was that stupid? I just got rid of a bandit group that's been terrorizing anyone they find near them, and a group that would probably eventually come after sanctuary"

"You pushed yourself way harder than you needed to, you nearly pushed yourself to death, just for the hell of it. If I would've left you there unconscious, do you really think you'd be fine right now?"

Lilith responded in silence, she didn't really know what to say. She focused her gaze in front of them, just like Athena

"If it wasn't for all the eridium in your system you might've bled out without medical attention."

Athena said, seeming a little more like Lilith mother than anything else

"I know.."

"Thanks for picking me up though"

Lilith said, pretty embarrassed.

Athena responded with a glance. Lilith was still trying to read her, she was surprised she cared enough to follow her though. Maybe she was still holding a grudge, was she going to drive them to an isolated place and attempt to duel her? Lilith didn't really feel like killing her, she seemed to be a decent person. And if she wanted to kill Lilith, she would've done it while she was unconscious.

They sat in silence for nearly 15 minutes until Athena finally spoke

"So... you crushed a bandit camp with a mountain."

Athena said, in a seemingly curious voice, even though she already knew Lilith had.

"Yeah"

Lilith responded, wondering if Athena was about to give her the same speech she's had from nearly everyone else in sanctuary. The one about addiction, self destructive tendencies, and worst of all, about Roland.

"So, trying to find ways to deal with Roland still?"

Athena asked, as Lilith cringed at the mention, and glanced off into the wasteland.

She had no business asking about Roland. Or even talking about him. She never really knew him, she barely had any contact with him, she didn't deserve to talk about him. Lilith ignored her question.

"I know about grief, Lilith"

Athena said, with a sad tone hidden behind her usually confident, strong voice.

"I'm not in grief, I'm fine, really"

Lilith said, in her usual, uncaring, casual voice.

"Okay, I believe you, but I wonder, do those bandits back there believe you? The ones you literally crushed underneath a mountain?"

"You know we've both killed more bandits than we could ever hope to count"

Lilith responded

"Yeah, but we've never gone out of our way to absolutely destroy them, shooting them would've been normal, maybe phase blasting a few, but leveling their whole camp with a mountain? That's rage."

Athena explained, and Lilith knew she was right, she just didn't want to admit it.

"I'm doing fine"

Lilith said, keeping her usual calm voice, but Athena detected a tiny crack somewhere in the great firehawks confident voice.

"Atlas tricked me into killing my own sister"

Athena said, somehow getting out the sentence without too much emotional damage.

"What?!!"

Lilith said, seeming to be taken back.

"That's why I wanted general Knox dead, that's why I've hunted every single atlas employee down and slaughtered them. That's why I am who I am today."

Athena's words sunk in on Lilith. It did explain a lot, lilith had always wondered why Athena was so cold, so efficient, and merciless. Even more so than the usual badass pandora produced. She figured maybe it was all of the atlas training, she expected something else, but she wasn't sure what.

"Damn... I'm. I'm sorry"

Lilith explained, not sure what else she could say

"It's fine, it still sucks but I've learned how to live with it. And now I want to help you live with your issue."

Athena said, her words were kind, but her tone wasn't much different than her usual. There was a slight caring tone, but Lilith could tell she didn't do this too often, and the whole situation was pretty awkward for them both.

"I am living with it"

"But the rest of the world won't live with it much longer if you don't get that anger under control"

Athena said, as she laughed

Lilith chuckled, "okay, fine. What's this great secret that is the cure to all grief?"

Lilith asked sarcastically

"I never said I had that. And I'm also not telling you to not go take your anger out on those human pieces of shit, but you can't be reckless with it like you were last time. And you can't let it consume you. If I hadn't been there, who knows what would've happened.."

Athena explained, Lilith didn't necessarily like what she was saying, but it wasn't too bad. And it was probably right anyways.

They sat in silence for the remainder of the ride. Lilith saw sanctuary coming into view, and with it, more memories.

They eventually arrived, and transported to the flying city. Lilith went to her home, where Roland and her had stayed for a week or so, before... well, before they "won". She walked in, went to her bed, laid her head down, and the world around her faded into nothingness.


End file.
